Hey, well I have nothing sad to report that I haven’t said already.
I wished you guys would tell me what to do with this person or whatever but yeah.
My Life’s work has been pretty good, so the vicious creature hasn’t really stalked me in the daytime and early evening. I’m unusually glad and happy this week, but it’s always the night when the creature stalks me giving me insomnia, so yeah nothing sad to report.
Sorry.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
(pt.3) The Vicious Creature Punching me in the face, the stomach,breaking my legs,etc
Well
the world advised me to call him or e-mail him and when I mean the world I mean THE WORLD. Everyone from rock stars, to my friends, to anonymous people told me to e-mail him when I told them my situation and so I did, asked him if he knew when we were getting our grades.
Maybe he could see through that e-mail which in reality it spelled something: D.A.T.E. He answered back and asked me a question concerning school; I answered it back but got no reply. Maybe because I didn’t ask him a question so the WORLD now told me to ask HIM out. So after a few days, I asked him if he wanted to see the new batman movie when it came out and I sort of questioned if he liked Batman (which is a surefire reply from a boy) but no answer til this day.
I don’t want to call him a douchebag, I know he’s nice and forgetful at times but I’m just gonna give up on the whole calling/emailing him. I don’t want to be a bother to him or him thinking I'm a stalker and I just don’t like to initiate everything. I’m not regretting what I did, I’m regretting the aftermath of it. Maybe He found out that thing I had written on his book.
And it wasn’t like I was in love with him, when I look for a beatles song to think of him, I can’t because they all say “love” or “heart” which makes my head go “no-no”. I wish they’d written a song about “liking” someone.
I don’t know, I wished that we could have had something, I’m trying to erase the images I had of him and me holding hands in the dark movie theatre, talking about flicks, influencing him with my rock music, make-out sessions, etc.
And even though the creature taunts me with those images every time I check my email or my voicemail messages, when it comes to Tim, I will try to remember only the time he turned around for me.
And how cute he looked.
I don’t know why I think of the sadness of this story with this song, but I do.
LightSpeed Champion’s “tell me what Its worth”
the world advised me to call him or e-mail him and when I mean the world I mean THE WORLD. Everyone from rock stars, to my friends, to anonymous people told me to e-mail him when I told them my situation and so I did, asked him if he knew when we were getting our grades.
Maybe he could see through that e-mail which in reality it spelled something: D.A.T.E. He answered back and asked me a question concerning school; I answered it back but got no reply. Maybe because I didn’t ask him a question so the WORLD now told me to ask HIM out. So after a few days, I asked him if he wanted to see the new batman movie when it came out and I sort of questioned if he liked Batman (which is a surefire reply from a boy) but no answer til this day.
I don’t want to call him a douchebag, I know he’s nice and forgetful at times but I’m just gonna give up on the whole calling/emailing him. I don’t want to be a bother to him or him thinking I'm a stalker and I just don’t like to initiate everything. I’m not regretting what I did, I’m regretting the aftermath of it. Maybe He found out that thing I had written on his book.
And it wasn’t like I was in love with him, when I look for a beatles song to think of him, I can’t because they all say “love” or “heart” which makes my head go “no-no”. I wish they’d written a song about “liking” someone.
I don’t know, I wished that we could have had something, I’m trying to erase the images I had of him and me holding hands in the dark movie theatre, talking about flicks, influencing him with my rock music, make-out sessions, etc.
And even though the creature taunts me with those images every time I check my email or my voicemail messages, when it comes to Tim, I will try to remember only the time he turned around for me.
And how cute he looked.
I don’t know why I think of the sadness of this story with this song, but I do.
LightSpeed Champion’s “tell me what Its worth”
Punching the vicious creature in the face (pt.2)
Nope.
I was walking to the classroom and before I even got to a 10 foot radius of the classroom, Tim ambushed me telling me He and I were the only ones there, the rest of the students hadn't arrived yet . (Life works in mysterious ways don’t it?)
I decided not to tell him right there about my feelings toward him so I comforted him about his nervousness over the project he had to present. I complimented his biker jacket, he told me of the lack of sleep he had to go through to make his project, we talked of stuff and he counted every person that arrived and would like the other students projects while telling me, his was horrible with only pictures. We talked more in the classroom over the professor being late once again and told me and the class he did not want to go up to present. Well while we waited, I thought he was at the peak of cuteness acting all jittery, walking around the classroom and wondering what to say. If he hadn’t looked that cute, I don’t think I would have told him.
Well after a few giggles in which at one point we looked at each other at the same time after the teacher had done an offensive thing to the whole class, he went up and his presentation was far from boring and as he talked he passed a book for the class to see. I think I was crazy at this point and I don’t know why I did it but I wrote in tiny letters in the back that I thought he was cute and wrote my initials. Well the written exam was never administered and we were all free to go our separate ways, I followed him and we chatted away about Indiana Jones and the “Fridge” scene and other stuff and the event happened, the vicious creature taunted me:
“do it do it now or you’ll never see him again”
“come on loser, you know what?, you’d never do it
not in a million years”
I probably blurted, “hey tim, I want to tell you something ,I’ve never done this before so here it goes and I can’t look at you when I tell you so turn around”.
The bastard turned around. He turned around. That was the sweetest thing I had ever seen done in front of me. Cute bastard.
I told him I liked him and he turned around.
He gave me this look, this “why didn’t you tell me before” look and immediately told me that we had to get together, He told me if I had his e-mail. I did. I told him I didn’t have his number and lied that I had forgotten my phone. He took out his notebook and gave me his number as he called it giving it to me the “old fashioned way”. If I had had more guts, I would have given him a peck on the cheek but I didn’t, we walked our separate ways to our other exams and it felt weird what I had done.
I felt like Jon Favreau’s character in Swingers, fake ripping the number a girl had given him.
I sincerely wish this was the end of my story but like my life, at the end of the street as I’m walking happily, there’s vicious creature with his cronies ready to punch me in the stomach several times until blood comes out of my mouth.
I was walking to the classroom and before I even got to a 10 foot radius of the classroom, Tim ambushed me telling me He and I were the only ones there, the rest of the students hadn't arrived yet . (Life works in mysterious ways don’t it?)
I decided not to tell him right there about my feelings toward him so I comforted him about his nervousness over the project he had to present. I complimented his biker jacket, he told me of the lack of sleep he had to go through to make his project, we talked of stuff and he counted every person that arrived and would like the other students projects while telling me, his was horrible with only pictures. We talked more in the classroom over the professor being late once again and told me and the class he did not want to go up to present. Well while we waited, I thought he was at the peak of cuteness acting all jittery, walking around the classroom and wondering what to say. If he hadn’t looked that cute, I don’t think I would have told him.
Well after a few giggles in which at one point we looked at each other at the same time after the teacher had done an offensive thing to the whole class, he went up and his presentation was far from boring and as he talked he passed a book for the class to see. I think I was crazy at this point and I don’t know why I did it but I wrote in tiny letters in the back that I thought he was cute and wrote my initials. Well the written exam was never administered and we were all free to go our separate ways, I followed him and we chatted away about Indiana Jones and the “Fridge” scene and other stuff and the event happened, the vicious creature taunted me:
“do it do it now or you’ll never see him again”
“come on loser, you know what?, you’d never do it
not in a million years”
I probably blurted, “hey tim, I want to tell you something ,I’ve never done this before so here it goes and I can’t look at you when I tell you so turn around”.
The bastard turned around. He turned around. That was the sweetest thing I had ever seen done in front of me. Cute bastard.
I told him I liked him and he turned around.
He gave me this look, this “why didn’t you tell me before” look and immediately told me that we had to get together, He told me if I had his e-mail. I did. I told him I didn’t have his number and lied that I had forgotten my phone. He took out his notebook and gave me his number as he called it giving it to me the “old fashioned way”. If I had had more guts, I would have given him a peck on the cheek but I didn’t, we walked our separate ways to our other exams and it felt weird what I had done.
I felt like Jon Favreau’s character in Swingers, fake ripping the number a girl had given him.
I sincerely wish this was the end of my story but like my life, at the end of the street as I’m walking happily, there’s vicious creature with his cronies ready to punch me in the stomach several times until blood comes out of my mouth.
Punching the vicious creature in the gut (pt.1)
Well this College Year, I sort of kicked the vicious creature in the balls and even though they probably hurt like hell when I did kick them, it only lasted for a few days because then the creature began to mock me. Mock me for being a loser for what I had done.
It all began in this new semester where I joined a class that I thought would be interesting knowing about a new culture I only vaguely knew. The class was a wreck with the professor going off-topic so many times; the professor never really taught us anything that we didn’t already know. With the professor arriving late all the time, the whole class formed a sort of bond, a bond for the dislike of the professor. We would talk about all the errors the teacher made, and the times the teacher’s short temper fuse would explode in our faces. That is where I met this guy, funny guy, always laughing; I don’t really want to give his real name so let’s call him something funny, I don’t know Tim, I always thought it was funny after I saw Tim the Sorcerer in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. No offense to all the Tim’s out there. So anyway, Tim was a funny guy, really made the class laugh and I don’t know at one point I talked to him and we talked about the professor, the class, Star Wars, and Indiana Jones. He was a normal looking fella, tall, I thought he was cute, didn’t like the hair or the tired eyes, but they went with his cuteness. Well he was extremely friendly, and if I can remember he organized some sort of museum trip one time and I joined giving him my number (never done that before) but when I went to go meet him and the other classmates, he was nowhere to be seen. When I went to class the next day, Tim hadn’t shown up and didn’t for two weeks. I asked the others and they didn’t go because the plan had scrapped.
When he did come back, I was sort of pissed at him, not looking in his direction, not looking at him when he made funny jokes and I think he got the message because I can remember him going near where I was sitting just to look at something someone had in my row. Also, it seemed odd one time when we had to give ideas about a project; he immediately said to write something about Indiana Jones in which he immediately looked at me. I went WTF? Or when the class was still going on about ideas for a project and he joked, “what about something on how cute I am?” He looked at me; I gave the nice smile but wondered were those curve balls for me? I can be a doofus sometimes, no, I am a doofus at times.
Well I don’t know when I started to like him, was it because he unbeknownst hid me with his height because I didn’t want this girl to see me? He wasn’t TALL tall but you know average guy height. But every time I did something concerning the class, I would think of him. So I don’t know when it happened but I theorize that it was a “crush of convenience”. I mean, he was there, I thought he was cute, let’s go with it. I mean I wasn’t head over heels for him, I was with painter dude, and I guess I regretted not ever telling him that so I thought, I’m not going to let this one get away. So I announced to my best friend that I would tell Tim that I liked him, and I didn’t care if It seemed like a feminist move or not. The Plan would be in Fate/God’s hands, there was to be a written examination and if Tim and I happen to finish at the same time, and we leave at the same time and are chatting away, I would do it, tell him I liked him. If not, no hard feelings for I only liked him out of convenience. Ahhh, God likes to do things differently and he did on that day, I was decked out in some great indie threads and I thought I’ll go in the room, he’ll see me all cool and maybe he’ll talk to me, like my jacket.
It all began in this new semester where I joined a class that I thought would be interesting knowing about a new culture I only vaguely knew. The class was a wreck with the professor going off-topic so many times; the professor never really taught us anything that we didn’t already know. With the professor arriving late all the time, the whole class formed a sort of bond, a bond for the dislike of the professor. We would talk about all the errors the teacher made, and the times the teacher’s short temper fuse would explode in our faces. That is where I met this guy, funny guy, always laughing; I don’t really want to give his real name so let’s call him something funny, I don’t know Tim, I always thought it was funny after I saw Tim the Sorcerer in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. No offense to all the Tim’s out there. So anyway, Tim was a funny guy, really made the class laugh and I don’t know at one point I talked to him and we talked about the professor, the class, Star Wars, and Indiana Jones. He was a normal looking fella, tall, I thought he was cute, didn’t like the hair or the tired eyes, but they went with his cuteness. Well he was extremely friendly, and if I can remember he organized some sort of museum trip one time and I joined giving him my number (never done that before) but when I went to go meet him and the other classmates, he was nowhere to be seen. When I went to class the next day, Tim hadn’t shown up and didn’t for two weeks. I asked the others and they didn’t go because the plan had scrapped.
When he did come back, I was sort of pissed at him, not looking in his direction, not looking at him when he made funny jokes and I think he got the message because I can remember him going near where I was sitting just to look at something someone had in my row. Also, it seemed odd one time when we had to give ideas about a project; he immediately said to write something about Indiana Jones in which he immediately looked at me. I went WTF? Or when the class was still going on about ideas for a project and he joked, “what about something on how cute I am?” He looked at me; I gave the nice smile but wondered were those curve balls for me? I can be a doofus sometimes, no, I am a doofus at times.
Well I don’t know when I started to like him, was it because he unbeknownst hid me with his height because I didn’t want this girl to see me? He wasn’t TALL tall but you know average guy height. But every time I did something concerning the class, I would think of him. So I don’t know when it happened but I theorize that it was a “crush of convenience”. I mean, he was there, I thought he was cute, let’s go with it. I mean I wasn’t head over heels for him, I was with painter dude, and I guess I regretted not ever telling him that so I thought, I’m not going to let this one get away. So I announced to my best friend that I would tell Tim that I liked him, and I didn’t care if It seemed like a feminist move or not. The Plan would be in Fate/God’s hands, there was to be a written examination and if Tim and I happen to finish at the same time, and we leave at the same time and are chatting away, I would do it, tell him I liked him. If not, no hard feelings for I only liked him out of convenience. Ahhh, God likes to do things differently and he did on that day, I was decked out in some great indie threads and I thought I’ll go in the room, he’ll see me all cool and maybe he’ll talk to me, like my jacket.
There are no Lloyd Doblers in the world
There are no Lloyd Doblers in this world. I thought I had found a Lloyd Dobler, but he just sort of looked like him. When I was in college, there was this guy in my class that fit the Lloyd Dobler model, tall and lanky, with the Lloyd Dobler haircut, not the good looks of John Cusack but he had the humor and it made him attractive. He was a sophomore, so I guess a wise fool in a sense. He was over 6 feet tall and I always saw him in one of my classes with his hippie friend. I didn’t care for this Lloyd Dobler look alike but always found it strange when at times, he would look at me or so it seemed, (you know how I never know). Whenever we presented various presentations, aside from being nervous I would see him look at me, looking like a Giraffe with his long neck. Around Campus, I saw him from my window looking so out there, he looked like a rocker but I doubt he knew I existed. I don’t know if it was the different climate or the freedom but I got the nerve to e-mail him some crap message and of course, all he did was act rude. I would ask simple questions, what was the assignment for tomorrow? , what is your favorite punk band?, he would politely reply and not ask me a question. I would definitely call that rude.
Would Lloyd Dobler do that? I sincerely doubt it.
Well I didn’t want to be a bother to him or him thinking I was a stalker and I didn’t like initiating everything so I stopped the e-mailing and I sort of ignored him, I tried talking to him once but I felt all weird inside, like when I meet a Rock Star I admire. I don’t know if it was the height or what but my insides hurt, and I was just embarrassed with myself. Of all my dark periods, I think that is my darkest.
When I look back on it, I think of it as a hazy memory with a pink ribbon through it. I’ll always remember looking from my window seeing him cross the campus. As I recuperated from this incident, I listened to Vampire Weekend, and they put my situation perfectly in their song appropriately named “Campus”. Whenever I hear “Campus”, I think of the feelings I had back then and how I will remember my first College crush.
Vampire Weekend- "Campus"
Would Lloyd Dobler do that? I sincerely doubt it.
Well I didn’t want to be a bother to him or him thinking I was a stalker and I didn’t like initiating everything so I stopped the e-mailing and I sort of ignored him, I tried talking to him once but I felt all weird inside, like when I meet a Rock Star I admire. I don’t know if it was the height or what but my insides hurt, and I was just embarrassed with myself. Of all my dark periods, I think that is my darkest.
When I look back on it, I think of it as a hazy memory with a pink ribbon through it. I’ll always remember looking from my window seeing him cross the campus. As I recuperated from this incident, I listened to Vampire Weekend, and they put my situation perfectly in their song appropriately named “Campus”. Whenever I hear “Campus”, I think of the feelings I had back then and how I will remember my first College crush.
Vampire Weekend- "Campus"
Vicious as Always
Again, Loser girl does an achievement of pathetic loserness, if that is even a word which I don’t think it is. So I got to see this UK band play an intimate show, I had a great spot, the only thing blocking me was an 8 year old girl and in the back of me was some guy and some crazed fan. The band begins to play and I don’t know if it was me he was looking at, but the drummer begins to smile at me. I imagined myself turning red as a red beet at this moment. I mean I never thought the drummer was hot, I mean I had a thing for the singer but after finding out he was taken, I just saw them as an awesome rock band. The drummer was not bad looking, the bassist was very friendly to me because I had met him earlier but when the drummer gave me this nice smile, I was like is he fucking looking at me? Well, as they played their show and as I looked at them, I couldn’t help but turn different shades of red whenever I saw the drummer possibly looking at me. So instead I looked at the band as a whole, spent some seconds looking at the guitarist and the bassist and tried looking at the drummer for like a milli-second. Apparently this sort of backfired if indeed he did look at me because he then sort of acted like whatever to me when I met him but I guess he thought I was hung up on the singer or something because as I saw his face, it looked like “why does the singer get all the girls and not me?” look. I would have told him I wasn’t looking at the singer but him but like always I have no guts. Yeah, he probably wasn’t looking at me, it was probably some other chick cuz there were a lot of chicks there, yeah he was looking at some other girl. But, boy that illusion that he saw me did feel nice.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
ugly hidden shadows
In my spare time, I try to think of the factors that made me such a fucked up loser. I try to think of the things I thought and believed when I was a girl, the books I read, the songs I heard, and the films I saw. After crossing out books (I doubt “the little train that could” and “hello kitty goes to town” would influence me negatively) and music (“I wanna rock” and “yellow submarine” didn’t make me heart sick) It comes down to the films I saw, most particularly Disney Films. I sincerely doubt Mickey Mouse’s tales and those merry melodies made me the way I am now but I am mostly talking about those “princess” movies that have horribly influenced women for more than 70 years.
Snow White: Why did I like this movie as a kid? Did I hope for a wishing well to grant my wish of finding a prince who would take me to his kingdom in his white steed? That is so laughable to me. Did I hope of finding love one day at Snow White’s age with furry creatures all around me? Well I’m well Snow White’s age and I doubt that will happen to me anytime soon.
Cinderella: I can imagine the brainwashing occurring as I watched this piece of fluff. Girl dreams of happiness but can’t tell her dreams to her (again) furry friends or “they won’t come true”. Wow, I bet you I had dreams and didn’t tell them to anyone on account of them hoping to be real, I probably had a dream on a crush I had on a boy in junior high or elementary and did they come true? Nope. But the heart of the story lingered on in my mind, with the ball, that damn song, the slipper, need I go on? Brainwashing!
Little Mermaid: Girl dreams of being with someone of another world, does it without speaking a word of her mind, her thoughts, and ends up being married to him. That would be a dull marriage, do they like the same things, do they have the same political views, and do they laugh at the same things? None of that was covered in the film and this just led to the message: shut your mouth and you may get a man.
Pocahontas: This one is bittersweet for me. After watching this film, I can remember loving the inter-racial romance they had and wished one like that for me; a guy like Captain John Smith, all man and with a sense of adventure and not giving a hoot about what people thought. Of course, later I would find out white guys of that particular caliber don’t exist anymore, instead some, when young are lunk heads who like to binge drink on the weekends, obsess over their ATV/car/motorcycle, watch family guy and have only eyes for equal looking white girl lunk heads who think old is 1984, wear what those girls on “The hills” wear, obsess over where they are going for spring break, and binge drink at anywhere festive or festive looking. And they never would take anyone other than white seriously; they’d have them but just to “try” out, never for anything “serious” such as marriage. And then the vicious circle is complete when they marry and begin another generation of shadow racists. Again, I am making presumptions on people of the Abercrombie and Fitch set, the frat guys and sorority girls, not ALL white people. Some are awesome, artists who paint, musicians, writers, basically anyone who hasn’t wasted all their brain cells and reads the onion and listens to my morning jacket and watches the daily show. I see lunkheads all the time, A blonde short haired handsome guy with flip flops, khaki shorts, a Abercrombie shirt. I can tell his likes and dislikes by just looking at him, but then when I see a guy with converse shoes, regular jeans, a grey t-shirt with an black blazer and a devo pin on the lapel looking absolutely handsome with his shaggy dirty blonde hair, I see him as a mystery wanting to know more about him. Now I go for those interesting guys but back then, as a teen it was a big blow for me when I knew that those “frat guys” would only see me as an “experience” and never as a girlfriend.
Well we sort of went off the brainwashing path didn’t we? Well these films give hope and fantasy to girls believing that they are going to find their true love and end up happily ever after. They imagine they’ll meet them in a forest or something and that the first guy they’ll meet will be “the one”. I believe with the exception of Mulan, all these “princess” films should be banned on the account of leading girls to illusions of love and happiness when in reality love is heartbreaking, horrid, and really a depressing thing only to humor the fates above.
Snow White: Why did I like this movie as a kid? Did I hope for a wishing well to grant my wish of finding a prince who would take me to his kingdom in his white steed? That is so laughable to me. Did I hope of finding love one day at Snow White’s age with furry creatures all around me? Well I’m well Snow White’s age and I doubt that will happen to me anytime soon.
Cinderella: I can imagine the brainwashing occurring as I watched this piece of fluff. Girl dreams of happiness but can’t tell her dreams to her (again) furry friends or “they won’t come true”. Wow, I bet you I had dreams and didn’t tell them to anyone on account of them hoping to be real, I probably had a dream on a crush I had on a boy in junior high or elementary and did they come true? Nope. But the heart of the story lingered on in my mind, with the ball, that damn song, the slipper, need I go on? Brainwashing!
Little Mermaid: Girl dreams of being with someone of another world, does it without speaking a word of her mind, her thoughts, and ends up being married to him. That would be a dull marriage, do they like the same things, do they have the same political views, and do they laugh at the same things? None of that was covered in the film and this just led to the message: shut your mouth and you may get a man.
Pocahontas: This one is bittersweet for me. After watching this film, I can remember loving the inter-racial romance they had and wished one like that for me; a guy like Captain John Smith, all man and with a sense of adventure and not giving a hoot about what people thought. Of course, later I would find out white guys of that particular caliber don’t exist anymore, instead some, when young are lunk heads who like to binge drink on the weekends, obsess over their ATV/car/motorcycle, watch family guy and have only eyes for equal looking white girl lunk heads who think old is 1984, wear what those girls on “The hills” wear, obsess over where they are going for spring break, and binge drink at anywhere festive or festive looking. And they never would take anyone other than white seriously; they’d have them but just to “try” out, never for anything “serious” such as marriage. And then the vicious circle is complete when they marry and begin another generation of shadow racists. Again, I am making presumptions on people of the Abercrombie and Fitch set, the frat guys and sorority girls, not ALL white people. Some are awesome, artists who paint, musicians, writers, basically anyone who hasn’t wasted all their brain cells and reads the onion and listens to my morning jacket and watches the daily show. I see lunkheads all the time, A blonde short haired handsome guy with flip flops, khaki shorts, a Abercrombie shirt. I can tell his likes and dislikes by just looking at him, but then when I see a guy with converse shoes, regular jeans, a grey t-shirt with an black blazer and a devo pin on the lapel looking absolutely handsome with his shaggy dirty blonde hair, I see him as a mystery wanting to know more about him. Now I go for those interesting guys but back then, as a teen it was a big blow for me when I knew that those “frat guys” would only see me as an “experience” and never as a girlfriend.
Well we sort of went off the brainwashing path didn’t we? Well these films give hope and fantasy to girls believing that they are going to find their true love and end up happily ever after. They imagine they’ll meet them in a forest or something and that the first guy they’ll meet will be “the one”. I believe with the exception of Mulan, all these “princess” films should be banned on the account of leading girls to illusions of love and happiness when in reality love is heartbreaking, horrid, and really a depressing thing only to humor the fates above.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
far off base
You know you're a loser when.....
one of your family members, who was a nun for 20+ years gets pregnant.
Now it boggles the mind. In my large devout family, she was a person to look up to. She was a nun in another country for years, given her youth to God and everything that comes with it. I'd never met her before but heard of all her adventures to all these countries I'd never heard of and some I had heard.
Then word gets out that she has left the order and is coming to visit us and my other relatives. I wondered, why would she leave?
I thought of the worst, did she see something she wasn't supposed to see? what with that "priest" thing happening, maybe she saw corruption and left immediately.
She came, a plain woman with curves and short "nunlike" hair and cried everytime the subject came up on why she had left, after some wrangling and coaxing from some of my gossip hungry relatives the truth came out: she was pregnant.
This 40ish woman was preggers.
Now, this makes my life a bit sad. She's old, was a nun, and has probably gone through all the four bases when I haven't even gone to first base . very pitiful.
Very low life for me.
But then again, this could be like a lesson for me. Rumor has it that she met "the guy" at a university and my guess is he "Sweettalked" her, telling her lies about her being pretty and whatnot, and before you know it she ends up pregnant with his child.
this could be a lesson for me: don't trust sweettalking guys, better yet, don't trust guys at all. be alone and write sad poetry on scraps of paper
one of your family members, who was a nun for 20+ years gets pregnant.
Now it boggles the mind. In my large devout family, she was a person to look up to. She was a nun in another country for years, given her youth to God and everything that comes with it. I'd never met her before but heard of all her adventures to all these countries I'd never heard of and some I had heard.
Then word gets out that she has left the order and is coming to visit us and my other relatives. I wondered, why would she leave?
I thought of the worst, did she see something she wasn't supposed to see? what with that "priest" thing happening, maybe she saw corruption and left immediately.
She came, a plain woman with curves and short "nunlike" hair and cried everytime the subject came up on why she had left, after some wrangling and coaxing from some of my gossip hungry relatives the truth came out: she was pregnant.
This 40ish woman was preggers.
Now, this makes my life a bit sad. She's old, was a nun, and has probably gone through all the four bases when I haven't even gone to first base . very pitiful.
Very low life for me.
But then again, this could be like a lesson for me. Rumor has it that she met "the guy" at a university and my guess is he "Sweettalked" her, telling her lies about her being pretty and whatnot, and before you know it she ends up pregnant with his child.
this could be a lesson for me: don't trust sweettalking guys, better yet, don't trust guys at all. be alone and write sad poetry on scraps of paper
Thursday, June 5, 2008
so over it
Now that “come hither” rock star is out of the picture, I think more of the guy before him. I’d love to tell you his name but I’d rather not but he is the one I wrote a poem about, an ode to artist boy? Yeah that’s him, artist boy. Artist boy was probably the third boy that I found attractive that liked me. He was so handsome in that artist type way. I loved going to my history class every other day because I would see him and he would do all these things just to get my attention. At first, I thought he was looking at someone else (which is usually the case) but after looking around me one day seeing that I was surrounded by guys, I thought in a teeny tiny way that he was possibly looking at me. Stuff started to happen that could not be explained, I would sit in my seat and he would immediately sit in the next row looking at me. As the professor lectured, He would make faces or try to wave at me, tried to tap his shoe on my desk, anything to get my attention while I stupidly listened to the professor jotting down notes. Another sign that seemed to make my suspicions more concrete was when he sat where he always did in the next row and as the whole class turned to look what someone was saying in the back of the classroom, a guy in the back of me looked at me and then at artist boy. What that guy must have been thinking: ‘are they an item?’ which sort of proved that artist boy was looking at me the whole time and not some other chick. Now every time I went to class I had to deal with nervousness and blushing, I was so scared of what he might do, he was bold in doing all those things to get my attention what might come next?
Well the last bold thing that I remember he did was when he sat next to me. The girl that usually sat next to me was a bit uptight that there was a backpack on her seat. She sat elsewhere and artist boy sat next to me. I was fidgety and scared. He took out this black box in which his drawing pencils were stored. He would draw as we waited for the professor to arrive. I would write incoherent things in my planner, making myself busy. From then on, he would always sit next to me, drawing something on his artist’s notebook. One time I was doodling something on my notebook and I secretly looked at him and he was trying to see what I was drawing. Another time as I was studying for my Art Exam, I couldn’t let him distract me but I saw him trying to look at my study guide full of artistic pictures. I was an idiot not having the ability to look him in the eye or saying hi, and I guess he thought I was a snob or something because he stopped coming to class. He came one day and I felt like I would see him for the last time so I stupidly asked for some gum, he said no and I said okay I think. He didn’t show up at all after that.
Gone were the times when I would leave class, and he would quietly observe me, gone were the times He tapped his pen when I tapped it, and gone were the times when he would look at me when I laughed in class and when I would look at him when he defended jon stewart and the hybrid car.
After that ,class was a bore; an imitator or stalker of sorts tried to impress me with stupid facts and I yearned for artist boy to come back and protect me from that loser. Then one day, He came to see the teacher. He looked so different, he looked like a cute beatnik with his scruffy beard and I now he saw me but I couldn’t see him. He wrote something in the desk in front of me, probably to get me to notice him and remember. I did remember but I just couldn’t see him in the eye or smile at him. I know he probably thought I was a snobby bitch, but I deserve it.
Well the last bold thing that I remember he did was when he sat next to me. The girl that usually sat next to me was a bit uptight that there was a backpack on her seat. She sat elsewhere and artist boy sat next to me. I was fidgety and scared. He took out this black box in which his drawing pencils were stored. He would draw as we waited for the professor to arrive. I would write incoherent things in my planner, making myself busy. From then on, he would always sit next to me, drawing something on his artist’s notebook. One time I was doodling something on my notebook and I secretly looked at him and he was trying to see what I was drawing. Another time as I was studying for my Art Exam, I couldn’t let him distract me but I saw him trying to look at my study guide full of artistic pictures. I was an idiot not having the ability to look him in the eye or saying hi, and I guess he thought I was a snob or something because he stopped coming to class. He came one day and I felt like I would see him for the last time so I stupidly asked for some gum, he said no and I said okay I think. He didn’t show up at all after that.
Gone were the times when I would leave class, and he would quietly observe me, gone were the times He tapped his pen when I tapped it, and gone were the times when he would look at me when I laughed in class and when I would look at him when he defended jon stewart and the hybrid car.
After that ,class was a bore; an imitator or stalker of sorts tried to impress me with stupid facts and I yearned for artist boy to come back and protect me from that loser. Then one day, He came to see the teacher. He looked so different, he looked like a cute beatnik with his scruffy beard and I now he saw me but I couldn’t see him. He wrote something in the desk in front of me, probably to get me to notice him and remember. I did remember but I just couldn’t see him in the eye or smile at him. I know he probably thought I was a snobby bitch, but I deserve it.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
weekends are bad for me
I bloody contradict myself so much.
you know if weekends didn't exist, I'd be okay doing my thing being focused on my work. not thinking about " come hither" rockstar.
but the weekend has ruined my mantra.
I'm looking at his vids on youtube and want to see him in the flesh one more time just to get this thing I have off my back. get these ludicrous fantasies over with.
If the economy was in good shape, I would go 1000 miles to see him which is the next closest place he is going near me. damn you economy!
you know if weekends didn't exist, I'd be okay doing my thing being focused on my work. not thinking about " come hither" rockstar.
but the weekend has ruined my mantra.
I'm looking at his vids on youtube and want to see him in the flesh one more time just to get this thing I have off my back. get these ludicrous fantasies over with.
If the economy was in good shape, I would go 1000 miles to see him which is the next closest place he is going near me. damn you economy!
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