Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Is this blog even relevant?
SHould I even write on this blog? nothing happens to me. what's the point.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Could the Vicious Creature be?
I was thinking and started realizing that the vicious creature could just be.............my virginity?
taunting me, ridiculing me, being smug.
I guess the only way to destroy it is to get rid of it of course.
with approximation of that happening in about 40 years or more, I guess the vicious creature will stay for a long time to boss me around.
and what is the deal with virginity anyway? people make it out to be some kind of sacred thing, a thing to treasure when in reality, it really isn't anything of beauty.
like some groups who think of virginity as that special ruby, a gem, a beauty of a gem that will be handed over to that special someone they will marry. For the girls in that mindset, they can't wait to hand over their virginity to their husbands thinking that "special night" will be transcendent, beautiful, fireworks and all but most of the time it will be a hard, rough, disturbing moment that will last for a second and hurt like hell. Then they will realize that whole virginity thing was totally fucked up and will spend the rest of their lives being a breathable manniquin thinking of pretty things as their husbands "do their business" and sadly those women will never really feel the pleasure they could have had.
I in my tiny little mad mind believe that this thing is a disturbance that must be destroyed and once the pain is gone, I guess the quest for pleasure can begin but I guess I have to get over that hurdle in order to get to practice sessions.
Hope I am as young as I am now when I become 70.
taunting me, ridiculing me, being smug.
I guess the only way to destroy it is to get rid of it of course.
with approximation of that happening in about 40 years or more, I guess the vicious creature will stay for a long time to boss me around.
and what is the deal with virginity anyway? people make it out to be some kind of sacred thing, a thing to treasure when in reality, it really isn't anything of beauty.
like some groups who think of virginity as that special ruby, a gem, a beauty of a gem that will be handed over to that special someone they will marry. For the girls in that mindset, they can't wait to hand over their virginity to their husbands thinking that "special night" will be transcendent, beautiful, fireworks and all but most of the time it will be a hard, rough, disturbing moment that will last for a second and hurt like hell. Then they will realize that whole virginity thing was totally fucked up and will spend the rest of their lives being a breathable manniquin thinking of pretty things as their husbands "do their business" and sadly those women will never really feel the pleasure they could have had.
I in my tiny little mad mind believe that this thing is a disturbance that must be destroyed and once the pain is gone, I guess the quest for pleasure can begin but I guess I have to get over that hurdle in order to get to practice sessions.
Hope I am as young as I am now when I become 70.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Kicked out of the Mistress Convention....
Mistresses. I used to wonder why they were so admired in films and in the country of France.
I never really liked them or really never thought anything of them. I guess you never really ponder things until you become or sort of become one.
Firstly, if you read these blogs and you must know what the hell I was doing for about 5 months, well I was working. I love working, it stops me from feeling sorry for meself about being a virgin and crying that I'll never get rid of it and never get any.
THE BEGINNING:
With the vicious creature non-existent (it went on holiday perhaps),I knew a fellow co worker for about 6 months and we chatted and were acquaintances at best but nothing more. As I returned to work in what could be deemed in the spring, that same co worker looked the same as ever and yet I felt attracted to him in a "lustful" manner. He was completely opposite to my ideal. I like the indie rocker guy with a knowledge of music, a love of films, and skinny as hell. This guy didn't know one damn thing about rock n roll, was obsessed with sports and the local sports team, and was a bit on the heavyweight side, like classic seth rogen. looks fat but isn't really. Besides being not my type, he talked incessantly,was a playboy, was annoying at times, and embarrassing. And yet....I liked him. I blame the raging hormones.
I didn't love him, I lusted him so my plan came that I wanted to make out with this person and perhaps sleep with him so I began flirting with him constantly, doing things I would never have done. If you read my previous blogs, I would never think then that I would tell a guy to his face that he looked "hot". I would get nervous as hell. Well I flirted with this person without breaking a sweat. I told him he looked rugged, handsome, and even hugged him whenever I saw him to which he never rejected my hugs. Then through "what if?" conversations, he, very faithful to his religion, told me he could only be with people of his faith when it comes to dating, and even asking that what if a person would have a one night stand with him, no strings attached. He confided in me on his frustrations that he could not even kiss someone not from his faith let alone sleep with them. I cannot recall if I was sad or not.Actually, now that I am thinking about it, I immediately flirted with him some more while he was looking for a movie for a date he was going, acting the perfect dreamgirl on how if he were taking me, I would go see with him an action film than a horrid romcom, flirting some more, even touching his hair. At one point, he called me his girlfriend with me nodding with approval when some clueless bloke asked us.
so was I a mistress? I don't know anything about mistressing?, but I think I was a mistress who didn't get any. It always has to be abnormal for me. It can never be "by the book." The girl meets guy with girlfriend/wife, girl fucks guy, girl is happy, guy is happy. No, not for this poor sap, it has to be a guy who can't even kiss me let alone fuck me.
If there was a mistress convention in paris let's say, with paintings of gigi, madame de pompadour, and marilyn monroe donning a beautiful dining hall, mistresses donned in their most fancy clothing all over the world would be chatting away what their sweeties gave them, a diamond watch, a nice apartment at central park west, 5 hour sexfest, what would I say? I touched his hair and gave him lots of hugs? I would either be kicked out of that convention or be given the "worst mistress in the history of mistress" award.
But he did make me feel special. I was actually happy for once, not feeling angry or sick whenever I saw couples, two guys that I actually felt attracted to flirted with me on separate occasions, but I was into coworker guy and sort of blew them off. I know it's a lost cause. I'm not gonna change religion to just sleep with a guy and he's not going to commit a sin, so it's a dead end. I saw him at some party, gave him the hug he asked for and as he pleaded me to come back to work with him, I told him I would think about work but as for constant flirting and touching I think it has to end. I loved the fling but it's a dead end.
I don't feel down but happy, smiling at all the things we did and i know the melancholy is coming soon but I'm good now. I'm good.
I never really liked them or really never thought anything of them. I guess you never really ponder things until you become or sort of become one.
Firstly, if you read these blogs and you must know what the hell I was doing for about 5 months, well I was working. I love working, it stops me from feeling sorry for meself about being a virgin and crying that I'll never get rid of it and never get any.
THE BEGINNING:
With the vicious creature non-existent (it went on holiday perhaps),I knew a fellow co worker for about 6 months and we chatted and were acquaintances at best but nothing more. As I returned to work in what could be deemed in the spring, that same co worker looked the same as ever and yet I felt attracted to him in a "lustful" manner. He was completely opposite to my ideal. I like the indie rocker guy with a knowledge of music, a love of films, and skinny as hell. This guy didn't know one damn thing about rock n roll, was obsessed with sports and the local sports team, and was a bit on the heavyweight side, like classic seth rogen. looks fat but isn't really. Besides being not my type, he talked incessantly,was a playboy, was annoying at times, and embarrassing. And yet....I liked him. I blame the raging hormones.
I didn't love him, I lusted him so my plan came that I wanted to make out with this person and perhaps sleep with him so I began flirting with him constantly, doing things I would never have done. If you read my previous blogs, I would never think then that I would tell a guy to his face that he looked "hot". I would get nervous as hell. Well I flirted with this person without breaking a sweat. I told him he looked rugged, handsome, and even hugged him whenever I saw him to which he never rejected my hugs. Then through "what if?" conversations, he, very faithful to his religion, told me he could only be with people of his faith when it comes to dating, and even asking that what if a person would have a one night stand with him, no strings attached. He confided in me on his frustrations that he could not even kiss someone not from his faith let alone sleep with them. I cannot recall if I was sad or not.Actually, now that I am thinking about it, I immediately flirted with him some more while he was looking for a movie for a date he was going, acting the perfect dreamgirl on how if he were taking me, I would go see with him an action film than a horrid romcom, flirting some more, even touching his hair. At one point, he called me his girlfriend with me nodding with approval when some clueless bloke asked us.
so was I a mistress? I don't know anything about mistressing?, but I think I was a mistress who didn't get any. It always has to be abnormal for me. It can never be "by the book." The girl meets guy with girlfriend/wife, girl fucks guy, girl is happy, guy is happy. No, not for this poor sap, it has to be a guy who can't even kiss me let alone fuck me.
If there was a mistress convention in paris let's say, with paintings of gigi, madame de pompadour, and marilyn monroe donning a beautiful dining hall, mistresses donned in their most fancy clothing all over the world would be chatting away what their sweeties gave them, a diamond watch, a nice apartment at central park west, 5 hour sexfest, what would I say? I touched his hair and gave him lots of hugs? I would either be kicked out of that convention or be given the "worst mistress in the history of mistress" award.
But he did make me feel special. I was actually happy for once, not feeling angry or sick whenever I saw couples, two guys that I actually felt attracted to flirted with me on separate occasions, but I was into coworker guy and sort of blew them off. I know it's a lost cause. I'm not gonna change religion to just sleep with a guy and he's not going to commit a sin, so it's a dead end. I saw him at some party, gave him the hug he asked for and as he pleaded me to come back to work with him, I told him I would think about work but as for constant flirting and touching I think it has to end. I loved the fling but it's a dead end.
I don't feel down but happy, smiling at all the things we did and i know the melancholy is coming soon but I'm good now. I'm good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
