Vicious as Always

Again, Loser girl does an achievement of pathetic loserness, if that is even a word which I don’t think it is. So I got to see this UK band play an intimate show, I had a great spot, the only thing blocking me was an 8 year old girl and in the back of me was some guy and some crazed fan. The band begins to play and I don’t know if it was me he was looking at, but the drummer begins to smile at me. I imagined myself turning red as a red beet at this moment. I mean I never thought the drummer was hot, I mean I had a thing for the singer but after finding out he was taken, I just saw them as an awesome rock band. The drummer was not bad looking, the bassist was very friendly to me because I had met him earlier but when the drummer gave me this nice smile, I was like is he fucking looking at me? Well, as they played their show and as I looked at them, I couldn’t help but turn different shades of red whenever I saw the drummer possibly looking at me. So instead I looked at the band as a whole, spent some seconds looking at the guitarist and the bassist and tried looking at the drummer for like a milli-second. Apparently this sort of backfired if indeed he did look at me because he then sort of acted like whatever to me when I met him but I guess he thought I was hung up on the singer or something because as I saw his face, it looked like “why does the singer get all the girls and not me?” look. I would have told him I wasn’t looking at the singer but him but like always I have no guts. Yeah, he probably wasn’t looking at me, it was probably some other chick cuz there were a lot of chicks there, yeah he was looking at some other girl. But, boy that illusion that he saw me did feel nice.

"come hither"

It’s been more than a week and I’m still thinking of the “come hither” rock star. As I play him on my MP3, I feel like he is whispering in my ear, singing to me. I promised myself that this would be the last weekend to fantasize about him and then have the vicious creature take over but it’s still on my mind. He definitely took my mind away from a current failed love interest so I thank him for it, but it has made me feel too whimsy and naïve. So starting today, I will go and check on you tube interviews, concerts of him and his band and I will face my reality that I’m just another girl. Please note I don’t seek pleasure in doing this but what’s worse, finding out you’re just another girl as you see him doing the same thing to a prettier girl on the web in the privacy of your own home OR going to see them live or at a music event such as a CD signing and seeing the guy you thought about for weeks, the star of your daydreams blow you off and flirting with another girl in front of you, your heart being so broken and smashed that you have to scrape it from the wall you were leaning against? I rather feel disappointed and realistic on my home computer for a day than feeling depressed for weeks.

The vicious creature in action

did he look at me?
did he do what I think he did?
Is this possible?
am I in a dream?
my head is not swimming, I feel confident

too confident. maybe it is a dream. my face is red, my cheeks are rosy.
it may be a lucid dream. I did things I don't often do
looked at him in the eye
sang along
looked at him in the eye
then he did that
was it for me or the A-type girls in back of me
cheeky, tall, and blonde haired?
but there are many witnessess
and I can't help to think
maybe he does that with all the girls
so what if he looked at me in the eye the whole time he was singing last time and now the same thing happens again when I see him a year later?
that's probably his style
seeks the fans with the homemade signs and makes their day by looking and singing at them the whole time.
yeah that's probably it- picks the ugly girl and makes it her year.
well not me buddy!
not me!
and yet, it didn't seem acted
I mean giving me that look that totally said "come hither"
or specifically "really? I rock your world? I'm willing to do it to you if you'd like to and you'd like it. grr." look
nah I'm too atrocious to be even have someone like that like me.
I dream too much.
yeah it was probably a dream.