Is this blog even relevant?

SHould I even write on this blog? nothing happens to me. what's the point.

nope

nope

nope

nope.

not yet

nope, the vicious creature has not been neutrolized yet.

nope

nope, the vicious creature has not been neutrolized yet.

Could the Vicious Creature be?

I was thinking and started realizing that the vicious creature could just be.............my virginity?

taunting me, ridiculing me, being smug.


I guess the only way to destroy it is to get rid of it of course.

with approximation of that happening in about 40 years or more, I guess the vicious creature will stay for a long time to boss me around.

and what is the deal with virginity anyway? people make it out to be some kind of sacred thing, a thing to treasure when in reality, it really isn't anything of beauty.

like some groups who think of virginity as that special ruby, a gem, a beauty of a gem that will be handed over to that special someone they will marry. For the girls in that mindset, they can't wait to hand over their virginity to their husbands thinking that "special night" will be transcendent, beautiful, fireworks and all but most of the time it will be a hard, rough, disturbing moment that will last for a second and hurt like hell. Then they will realize that whole virginity thing was totally fucked up and will spend the rest of their lives being a breathable manniquin thinking of pretty things as their husbands "do their business" and sadly those women will never really feel the pleasure they could have had.

I in my tiny little mad mind believe that this thing is a disturbance that must be destroyed and once the pain is gone, I guess the quest for pleasure can begin but I guess I have to get over that hurdle in order to get to practice sessions.

Hope I am as young as I am now when I become 70.

Kicked out of the Mistress Convention....

Mistresses. I used to wonder why they were so admired in films and in the country of France.

I never really liked them or really never thought anything of them. I guess you never really ponder things until you become or sort of become one.

Firstly, if you read these blogs and you must know what the hell I was doing for about 5 months, well I was working. I love working, it stops me from feeling sorry for meself about being a virgin and crying that I'll never get rid of it and never get any.

THE BEGINNING:
With the vicious creature non-existent (it went on holiday perhaps),I knew a fellow co worker for about 6 months and we chatted and were acquaintances at best but nothing more. As I returned to work in what could be deemed in the spring, that same co worker looked the same as ever and yet I felt attracted to him in a "lustful" manner. He was completely opposite to my ideal. I like the indie rocker guy with a knowledge of music, a love of films, and skinny as hell. This guy didn't know one damn thing about rock n roll, was obsessed with sports and the local sports team, and was a bit on the heavyweight side, like classic seth rogen. looks fat but isn't really. Besides being not my type, he talked incessantly,was a playboy, was annoying at times, and embarrassing. And yet....I liked him. I blame the raging hormones.

I didn't love him, I lusted him so my plan came that I wanted to make out with this person and perhaps sleep with him so I began flirting with him constantly, doing things I would never have done. If you read my previous blogs, I would never think then that I would tell a guy to his face that he looked "hot". I would get nervous as hell. Well I flirted with this person without breaking a sweat. I told him he looked rugged, handsome, and even hugged him whenever I saw him to which he never rejected my hugs. Then through "what if?" conversations, he, very faithful to his religion, told me he could only be with people of his faith when it comes to dating, and even asking that what if a person would have a one night stand with him, no strings attached. He confided in me on his frustrations that he could not even kiss someone not from his faith let alone sleep with them. I cannot recall if I was sad or not.Actually, now that I am thinking about it, I immediately flirted with him some more while he was looking for a movie for a date he was going, acting the perfect dreamgirl on how if he were taking me, I would go see with him an action film than a horrid romcom, flirting some more, even touching his hair. At one point, he called me his girlfriend with me nodding with approval when some clueless bloke asked us.

so was I a mistress? I don't know anything about mistressing?, but I think I was a mistress who didn't get any. It always has to be abnormal for me. It can never be "by the book." The girl meets guy with girlfriend/wife, girl fucks guy, girl is happy, guy is happy. No, not for this poor sap, it has to be a guy who can't even kiss me let alone fuck me.

If there was a mistress convention in paris let's say, with paintings of gigi, madame de pompadour, and marilyn monroe donning a beautiful dining hall, mistresses donned in their most fancy clothing all over the world would be chatting away what their sweeties gave them, a diamond watch, a nice apartment at central park west, 5 hour sexfest, what would I say? I touched his hair and gave him lots of hugs? I would either be kicked out of that convention or be given the "worst mistress in the history of mistress" award.

But he did make me feel special. I was actually happy for once, not feeling angry or sick whenever I saw couples, two guys that I actually felt attracted to flirted with me on separate occasions, but I was into coworker guy and sort of blew them off. I know it's a lost cause. I'm not gonna change religion to just sleep with a guy and he's not going to commit a sin, so it's a dead end. I saw him at some party, gave him the hug he asked for and as he pleaded me to come back to work with him, I told him I would think about work but as for constant flirting and touching I think it has to end. I loved the fling but it's a dead end.


I don't feel down but happy, smiling at all the things we did and i know the melancholy is coming soon but I'm good now. I'm good.

Where the FUCK!? have you been?

Hey people! how the fuck are you?

wow. since, february, I haven't been here. well, I was a bit of a hermit and well then I became an upright citizen, I would guess.

Well, much happened to me, I became a halfway decent person.
Did some work which I became utmost proud of and earned the utmost respect, became a people person and....
I became a mistress. The worst mistress in the world of mistresses that there ever has been mistresses. I would do gigi and all those other mistresses angry.

But that's how fucked up my life is, even when I become a mistress, it always has to be different with me. I can't get the usual "meet you, sleep with you, see you later" mistress template.

more on this later, so I will try to remind myself to write on here more often. My life was pretty hectic or normal?

back to face stupid reality again

well in my hermitness (is that a word? hermitness?) or isolation, I went half crazy, well crazier than I usually am. I am still half crazy ranting or rambling more like it. About everything, I even got into some fights well sort of, I exaggerate but yeah. wanted to punch some faces.

well, now I can work finally, hopefully interaction with human beings will regain my composure and live like a regular citizen and put the slightly mad in me behind the spleen or something.

"What Don't You Fucking Understand?"

Well as everyone has heard about the christian bale rant, It totally made me regret the whole devotion to watching all his films and him being all cute.

I always thought he was intimidating. In an " I go up to him and ask him for his autograph and being punched in the face" kind of intimidating. I rather meet Aaron Eckhart, he's a surfer, I don't think he'll hit me. unless it's with his surfboard or chin.

But that Bale Rant mix, I absolutely adore. The chorus, "What don't you fucking understand?" is just so genius! I might put it on my mp3 player.

I guess some good came out of it, but I think this event might push back batman three a couple of years.


Christian Bale Rant Remix

Closet Man

okay, so in my depressive state, I decided to watch t.v. In terms of adult cartoons, I only see the simpsons, and possibly king of the hill if I feel "country" but because I don't know why, because I was depressed and didn't want to change the channel, I saw some marathon of the show Family Guy. After watching some shows, shocked at what I was seeing, laughing rarely; mostly at the dog and the little kid in the show, I discovered something. This creator, Seth MacFarlane, I believe is a closet pervert.

I think he just hasn't admitted it, or maybe he has through his show.
Take for example how I figured this out, the show lives on flashbacks, be them real or unreal. There is a sketch, parodying the story "Pinnochio" where Pinnochio's creator, Geppetto basically wants Pinnochio to lie so that his nose will grow and go into the old man's butt. I do not see this flashback funny. It doesn't benefit anyone, only the creator, Seth Macfarlane. Actually, now that I think about this as I am writing about it, I think he might be more a pervert, a cartoon pervert than a regular pervert. Macfarlane wants to put things that are not necessarily sacred but untouched, into weird situations so that he can get some nether feelings in his nether region. Another flashback shows Disney wanting Minnie Mouse to take her clothes off so that he can draw her and as Minnie Mouse does, crying, Disney loves it. I think that if cartoon porn existed, Seth Macfarlane would be its number one fan. Since it doesn't exist (at least I don't think), He tries to put it in his show.

It's not for the audience, It's. for. him. The audience that watches this would either also get off too, feel extremely awkward, or just be offended. But laugh? no, I don't think so. Again, these things didn't offend me, the dumpster baby song didn't offend me, the AIDS song didn't offend me, it's just that when it comes to those cartoon flashbacks and I'm sure there are more that I haven't seen, it just goes to show that Seth Macfarlane probably gets off watching it all there on color t.v., when it was just a little perverted thought in his mind at first. I hear he's not married or anything. well, no wonder. He's a cartoon pervert.

sleep addict.

I don't know what I was on in the last post, probably cough syrup.


I'm not sick anymore but I am addicted to sleeping. I sleep 12 hours now, it scares me.

fucked up in odds year.

2009 is fucked up so far for me. I got sick and I believe I am being ostracized by my new friends from work. at least I think they are.

who knows. I hate it. makes me feel like I am a freak!

I know I am a freak, but I don't want them to know that.


as for resolutions, I have decided to talk like a Brit,and this constitutes, scottish and english. I don't know about the welsch and the irish. gonna have to think of that. but I don't like potatoes. :P

here in this city I discovered a british pub and store where I stocked up on sweets, crisps, bicuits, and scottish soda. I went to the pub and the fish and chips were ace! will try to go there again because my british sweet supply ran out and they had some very good biscuits there from south africa called "eet some mores" which were brill!

I have a month of nothing to do and I feel like I am going mad. $)

Vicious creature rarely seen in 2008

as I look back on 2008, yeah it was fucked up year but throughout it for me anyway, it was an awesome year.

This may be because I only just remember the good times so I shall try to talk about the good times.

-dancing on stage with a rock group from liverpool

-meeting and hugging luke pritchard

-getting a great job where I felt like I was making a difference and actually moving towards my career goals

-meeting some great people

-having the ability to have for the first time in my life, guy friends and guy acquaintances

- getting guy hugs from those guys and feeling "randy".

- having an album define my life, vampire weekend's debut.

- going to all those concerts, 14 in total

- discovering a great sci-fi show

- I still regret admitting my likeness to a certain guy but it happened and it's done.

- realizing that my career is happening to me in less than 5 years.